


That's It, It Split

by unourssongeur



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Captain America - Freeform, Civil War (Marvel), Here There Be Spoilers, M/M, Post-Civil War (Marvel), Spoilers, THINGS WILL BE SPOILED, many spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-15
Updated: 2016-03-15
Packaged: 2018-05-26 19:56:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6253849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unourssongeur/pseuds/unourssongeur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky tries to process this. There is no processing this</p>
            </blockquote>





	That's It, It Split

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE NOT FAMILIAR WITH THE CIVIL WAR STORY LINE OR WITH THE EVENTS OF THE MARVEL UNIVERSE AFTER THAT. THIS IS KINDA HELLA SPOILERY AND I DO NOT WANT TO TARNISH THE GENUINE EXPERIENCE OF LEARNING SOME OF THESE EVENTS AS THEY HAPPEN. 
> 
> Please?
> 
> ***********************
> 
> So, in Fallen Son: Wolverine, there's a panel at the end of Logan and Bucky's conversation in the barber shop. That's what sparked this. Then, my shuffled iPod played "Call Them Brothers" by Regina Spektor feat. Only Son. So this happened. It's not much, but I needed to write it, lest it never leave me alone. 
> 
> Enjoy as much as possible, given the subject matter.

_“Hey, Logan.”_

_“Yeah, kid?”_

_“If you **do** see Steve...Say hello for me.”_

I’m not stupid. Logan isn’t going to see Steve. I...I know what I saw. He’s gone. I know that. 

But maybe there’s a stupid voice in my head that sounds like _him_ from back in the day. Maybe that stupid kid from Brooklyn is saying that there’s always a chance. And maybe I like hearing him, because that voice is better than the echoes in my head. 

I went back to his place that night. I didn’t believe it yet, and that was the closest thing to home I had. Huh, I just realized I’m homeless again. Makes sense, though. Steve was this immense presence and I never felt like I wasn’t home when I was with him. That didn’t mean his apartment felt like home. Not anymore. Not empty. 

The bed still smelled like him, though. Too clean, with a hint of fabric softener and something. I couldn’t ever figure it out. I must have watched him shower and get ready a hundred times, helped him pack up a half-dozen times to move this little life we threw together on the run. His soap was soap and he didn’t do cologne that I ever found. I did ask, once. But he just shrugged the question off, like it wasn’t the most important thing I’d never get an answer to. 

That’s stupid. There are bigger questions than “What is that smell, Steve? Not in a bad way. It’s a good smell, I just can’t figure it out.” But at the moment, it felt all encompassing. Guess I wanted something normal to wonder about. Those were the nights of “Are they going to find us tonight?”, and “Were you followed?” Stark and SHIELD and the fucking SRA tore my world apart. Again. 

Funny how only HYDRA destroys things, though. Never hear of SHIELD doing anything like that. Tell that to Goliath. Then go ask Stark, Pym and Richards about their science experiments. Hail fucking HYDRA. At least you always knew they were dicks. 

Steve is fucking dead and I’m supposed to believe that SHIELD has nothing but the best interest of everyone at heart? Bull shit. SHIELD is just like every government ever made. It wants control. 

You happy, Stark? He was your friend. When you started this shit, I voted to kill you. Some of the others agreed. He said no. Every time. Think about that, ya prick. Remember that when you’re trying to convince Barton to play Captain America and ease your guilt. No one is going to take his place. Some holes aren’t meant to be filled. 

Days like this make me glad I’m not your friend. You ask too much of everyone. Look what you did to Parker. He idolized you and you used that. How long til you let his girl and his aunt become collateral damage? How long til you use them against him? I will never know what Steve and Nat see in you. 

Fuck. I can’t stay here. The bed still smells like Steve. If I close my eyes...SHIELD will probably break through the door and arrest me for crimes against bureaucracy. Or something. 

No, don’t give me that tone, you fucking memory. You died, Rogers. You don’t get to tell me I’m being harsh. There’s no hope without you. No one is going to stitch the two halves of this war back together and call them a whole again. If there were ever battle lines drawn, it’s now. 

Quit pouting, Steve. Someone will fix this. I just don’t want to see it happen. Because my world can’t recover from this. I love you, and pretty soon you won’t even be a voice in my head anymore. And I’ve got to figure out how to keep fighting for this cause you started. 

We’re the good guys right, Steve?

Somebody needs to be.


End file.
